Normally, when telling someone the honest truth about something they don't want to hear, one attempts to make said truth sound as docile as possible. The unorthadox person, however, when being honest, is truly honest and doesn't bother with trifling things like feelings. The truth needs to be heard as it actually is. Misleading someone into thinking something is not as bad as it seems only leaves them ignorant. Now, if someone is bleeding to death in your arms and asking you, "How bad does it look?", by all means, lie. But for the normal everyday lifestyle, be scathingly honest. See where it gets you. You may end up with a few less friends and a few more people slightly afraid of you, but with enough practice, you'll be able to adjudicate the correct times to use your blunt honesty and deem each individual situation worthy or unworthy of the real, harsh truth.
Situations in which bent truth is appropriate:
-The example stated in the above paragraph.
-If a friend has been crying for hours and states that she looks like shit, saying, "No, no. You don't, you're beautiful still" may be alright.
-If someone asks you if you have money which you do not wish to give.
-When someone is irritated at something they own being used without permission (usually applicable with girls and hair/lotion/brush/makeup/clothing products) and the blame is being thrown on you.
Situations in which brutal honesty is appropriate:
-If your spouse asks if they have gained weight. They can't lose the weight if they don't have outsiders reassurance that it's there.
-Adultery.
-If someone looks like shit in the outfit they chose. Now, this particular one is pretty tricky. You could tell them they're not looking their best or you could tell them that what they are wearing is the worst thing you've ever seen adorning a human body in your entire life. It really just depends on the person.
-If someone, he or she, is being a complete asshole or bitch. Bitches and assholes should not be tolerated. Now a friend should definitely be handed some slack if they're having a bad day, ONLY if they are good, normal people under good, normal circumstances. If you should come across someone who is a bitch or an asshole all the time simply because that is their nature, cut them no slack. Attack with your words, for they are powerful, and likely something that the bitch or asshole has not heard very often. Usually, in a bitch or an asshole's case, most people are afraid to say what they really want to say to BitchAsshole because they fear the repurcussions. However in a circumstance in which you destroy them completely with your words and shut them down to the point where a retort isn't even possible, others will be on your side because they dislike the person as much as you, and you will probably gain a lot of points with a lot of people. And a lot of people will be under the impression that your balls have grown to a gargantuan size when really all you were was honest. See how this works out for the best sometimes?
The hardest part is technique, knowing for whom, how, when and in what tone of voice to excersize real honesty. And with practice, anyone can get there. Honesty is not for everyone. If everyone went around speaking the horrible truth to everyone else, the world would be a chaotic mess. A select few in the school of fish may say to the others, "We are most likely going to be hooked, gutted and cooked when we least expect it."
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
The Backstabber
Today I will be covering Backstabbers, Backstabber Cliques, and the like. While the Backstabber and its friends are a difficult breed to understand, I believe that I have come, through personal experience, to better comprehend their ways, though by no means condone them.
In a previous blog, two before this one I believe, I mentioned that I had friends. Take that statement, visualize it before you, and erase it because it is no longer the truth. Where at one point I had friends whom I treasured, I now have ex-friends whom I loathe and have nothing but bitterness and distrust towards. If I were a more forgiving person, I may be completely over their Backstabbery by now, but seeing as I find it hard enough as it is to trust people, when someone, or I should say many someones, shatters my trust in them with all the care of a destructive child shattering an icicle on concrete, I find it very difficult to continue trusting the someones and even more difficult to forgive. Forgiveness was never really a virtue I was blessed with.
Pardon my rant. I will now embark on the detailed description of Backstabbers and all the rest.
Backstabbers come in all shapes, sizes and introductions. They may appear as Carla, the cosmetology major at AI. Daryl, the architect from New York, possibly even Kayla, the valedictorian of your high school and resident of your hometown. They may appear even in your gay best friend, or your other gay best friend. They're everywhere. And the tricky thing is that there is no way to detect them until they've screwed you over. If one does not wish to be an introvertive loner, starting off the bat thinking the worst of the people one meets, then one has no choice but to give each prospective friend the benefit of the doubt and try to trust them. So one does this and continues in peace with the friend until the worst eventually happens. There is no special marking, no red "x" branded on the flesh, no particular scent or walk or talk that can help anyone weed out the Backstabbers and take a mental note to stay as far away from them as possible. While everyone has the right to be suspicious that someone they meet may be a Backstabber, there will never be any concrete, scientific proof that the person you suspect is actually that which you inwardly accuse them of being. It does not help the Non-Backstabbers that Backstabbers are usually very good actors.
The Backstabber:
-Lures you into feeling safe telling them your deepest, darkest secrets.
-Will be your best friend no matter what, so long as you keep forgiving them.
Let me just add here that a few Backstabbers actually dislike their life styles very much. They long for the close companionship that
they can not have due to their addiction to Backstabbery. They do not wish to act the way that they do towards their friends, but are so
desperate to be the one on top of the Grapevine that they will betray anyone to get there. No one can deny that gossip is always an
interesting thing to discuss. This does not make it right. Sure, it's okay to talk about that woman who just got pregnant with her pool
boys child. If neither party knows the person of subject personally, it is okay to gossip about him or her. Gossiping about your close
friends, however, is not normally the best and most moral thing to do, unless the friend you are talking badly about Backstabbed you
first.
-Will talk behind your back about all the terrible things he or she thinks about you with reckless abandon.
-Will trust its Backstabber friends not to tell anyone who might tell you that they were talking bad about you.
-Will always be shocked when someone Backstabs them.
-Will use personal secrets or information to blackmail a friend into sticking around and have the upper hand at all times.
-Will not feel bad most of the time for anything they do because in their eyes it isn't wrong.
-Will, quite often, not tell anyone anything that is actually true about you. They're quite fond of making things up.
-Will lose more friends in their lifetime than the Cheater or the Valley Girl.
There isn't much else to say about the Backstabber except that one should be wary of their trickery. Don't be too quick to trust any of your friends or you may find yourself hearing about the summer you spent in jail, the drugs you do on a daily basis, or how pregnant you are.
It's never fun to find out that you're pregnant from someone else.
In a previous blog, two before this one I believe, I mentioned that I had friends. Take that statement, visualize it before you, and erase it because it is no longer the truth. Where at one point I had friends whom I treasured, I now have ex-friends whom I loathe and have nothing but bitterness and distrust towards. If I were a more forgiving person, I may be completely over their Backstabbery by now, but seeing as I find it hard enough as it is to trust people, when someone, or I should say many someones, shatters my trust in them with all the care of a destructive child shattering an icicle on concrete, I find it very difficult to continue trusting the someones and even more difficult to forgive. Forgiveness was never really a virtue I was blessed with.
Pardon my rant. I will now embark on the detailed description of Backstabbers and all the rest.
Backstabbers come in all shapes, sizes and introductions. They may appear as Carla, the cosmetology major at AI. Daryl, the architect from New York, possibly even Kayla, the valedictorian of your high school and resident of your hometown. They may appear even in your gay best friend, or your other gay best friend. They're everywhere. And the tricky thing is that there is no way to detect them until they've screwed you over. If one does not wish to be an introvertive loner, starting off the bat thinking the worst of the people one meets, then one has no choice but to give each prospective friend the benefit of the doubt and try to trust them. So one does this and continues in peace with the friend until the worst eventually happens. There is no special marking, no red "x" branded on the flesh, no particular scent or walk or talk that can help anyone weed out the Backstabbers and take a mental note to stay as far away from them as possible. While everyone has the right to be suspicious that someone they meet may be a Backstabber, there will never be any concrete, scientific proof that the person you suspect is actually that which you inwardly accuse them of being. It does not help the Non-Backstabbers that Backstabbers are usually very good actors.
The Backstabber:
-Lures you into feeling safe telling them your deepest, darkest secrets.
-Will be your best friend no matter what, so long as you keep forgiving them.
Let me just add here that a few Backstabbers actually dislike their life styles very much. They long for the close companionship that
they can not have due to their addiction to Backstabbery. They do not wish to act the way that they do towards their friends, but are so
desperate to be the one on top of the Grapevine that they will betray anyone to get there. No one can deny that gossip is always an
interesting thing to discuss. This does not make it right. Sure, it's okay to talk about that woman who just got pregnant with her pool
boys child. If neither party knows the person of subject personally, it is okay to gossip about him or her. Gossiping about your close
friends, however, is not normally the best and most moral thing to do, unless the friend you are talking badly about Backstabbed you
first.
-Will talk behind your back about all the terrible things he or she thinks about you with reckless abandon.
-Will trust its Backstabber friends not to tell anyone who might tell you that they were talking bad about you.
-Will always be shocked when someone Backstabs them.
-Will use personal secrets or information to blackmail a friend into sticking around and have the upper hand at all times.
-Will not feel bad most of the time for anything they do because in their eyes it isn't wrong.
-Will, quite often, not tell anyone anything that is actually true about you. They're quite fond of making things up.
-Will lose more friends in their lifetime than the Cheater or the Valley Girl.
There isn't much else to say about the Backstabber except that one should be wary of their trickery. Don't be too quick to trust any of your friends or you may find yourself hearing about the summer you spent in jail, the drugs you do on a daily basis, or how pregnant you are.
It's never fun to find out that you're pregnant from someone else.
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